Monday, March 7, 2011

Wii Fit

 
We plugged in the Wii Fit, and it's great and we're gonna work out every day and stuff, but two quick things:
  1. I highly resent being told that I cannot Hula Hoop.  I hate you Hula Hoop mini-game.  I hate you and your demands that I rotate my pelvis* better.  Screw you!
  2. I apologize for ever insinuating to anyone I've ever known that yoga is a loser exercise for lazy people.  Please don't make me do a half-moon crescent thing again.
*Every time my Wii Fit trainer says "pelvis" I giggle.  I'm eight years old.

Dragon Age: Origins

When I first got into Dragon Age: Origins, I had hoped it would be more hack-and-slash than it is.  Don't get me wrong, you hack and you slash, but I was hoping for a button-masher.  Nevertheless, this fantasy title from Bioware did certainly get my attention and keep it!


This RPG (or role playing game) is set in Fereldan, a fictional continent populated with all sorts of mystical, Tolkein-fantasy somesuch: Dwarves who like to drink, mages who are feared for their power, and gay elves.  The story starts in the titular Dragon Age, with a threat looming on the horizon that only you and a band of oddities can conquer.  In writing this review, I'm shocked to find how stereotypical this whole thing sounds.  It's as if the developers just got out of Fantasy Stories 101.

Playing the game, thankfully, these straight-up contrivances are not as easy to spot.  The story is actually rather well put together, and I cared about the fate of Fereldan and its denizens.  There is a great deal of role-playing, as your character is completely moldable, which I enjoy, though there is limited permanency to your decision making.  You can be an outstanding citizen one second and a complete asshole the next and only a few lines of dialogue really seem to change.  There are (blessingly!) a few things you can do which really screw you over in the eyes of some allies, which is a shocking relief.  I'm tired of games that let me insult an ally's every core belief to then have them go "well, okay, I guess I'll stick around, even though you are a huge dickwad, because I know you're going to save the world and shit."

Anyway, for my first playthrough of the game, I pretty much saw an enemy and mashed the X button.  It initialized my attack sequence, but subsequent mashes did nothing, so I pretty much sat there and watched the battle unfold, occasionally quaffing a potion or using my shield to do extra damage with a quickset key.  This is the life of a Warrior in Dragon Age: Origins.  Take damage, deal damage, ho hum.


Things are more exciting as a Rogue, since it actually matters where you stand, but the game really shines if you play the Mage class.  You have a bevy of spells to interact with and it almost feels like you are micromanaging your very own character's actions in trying to achieve throwing a fireball three feet in front of yourself.

Your allies are controlled by an incredibly simplified version of Final Fantasy XII's Gambit system.  The logical parameters are so limiting, you're better off using preselected "roles" to define how they act rather than try to program them yourself.  Yes, you could tell it that when an ally is low on health they should heal that ally, but the companion A.I. is slightly retarded in actually doing anything about most things.  If you really want someone to do something, you need to take control of them and command them to do it, quickly reverting back to your original character, lest he or she run off a cliff without your guidance.

There is a fluid amount of sexuality in Fereldan, allowing you to have same-sex relations with either a female or a male, who can also both be bedded by the opposite gender.  Romance plays a big role in the adventure, which is weird since society is on the brink of civilization, but I spent more hours than a care to talking to Alistair about his daddy issues and finding obscure gifts to give him so that I could get into his pants.

Despite its downfalls, it's a fun fantasy game with solid story and enough replay value to get your money's worth.  I'd recommend picking it up used for a fraction of the cost, especially since its sequel deubts tomorrow.