Want: Portal 2

I even love this logo.

So, confession time.  I've never played Portal.  There.  I've said it.

It's not because I didn't want to!  It's because the game was exclusive to the Xbox 360 and PC.  I don't have an Xbox 360 (anymore), and I only play games on the computer that are low quality, low comittment.  True, the Orange Box was eventually released for the PS3, but by that time, I'd already almost played the game anyway... 

Well, I haven't played the game, strictly speaking, I just OBSESSED about its existence after first hearing the credits song Still Alive.  I spent hours watching gameplay videos to dedicate all of the GLaDOS' dialogue to memory.  I even got to understand the basic mechanics of gameplay from the demo on Steam and the flash-based fan game.

Look at me: still talking when there's wanting to do.  The sequel to the smash game, aptly and inarguably named Portal 2, comes out April 18, 2011.  And since its being released for the PS3, there's no reason I should miss out on this iteration.

Portal is a first-person shooter, except instead of a gun that kills things, you have a gun that opens portals.  One portal is blue and one is orange.  Leave one, you appear at the other.  So it's a first-person-puzzle game, tring to figure out where the portals should go to help you through the test chambers.  And because of the mechanics, it's also a platformer, and sort of an adventure game.  So it's a first-person-shooter-puzzle-adventure-platformer.  And also, physics and gravity.  It's no wonder this darling of a game wowed so many critics.


Easy enough to understand.  Go in one portal, out another.

 And while gameplay is looks fun and innovating, its the intensely well written GLaDOS character that embodies the game's success.  GLaDOS - or, the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System - is a sentient computer system which guides you, the test subject, through the various obstacles.  Fair enough, except GLaDOS is sort of crazy.  Not HAL-like, with rational reasons for murder, but truly schizophrenic.  One moment, GLaDOS will recommend your imminent death, and the next she invites you to enjoy cake!

The writing is brilliant, with sincere moments intermingled with GLaDOS' tongue-in-cheek dialogue with the silent player character.  Her taunts are rewards that really complete the Apeture Science environment.  In one particular instance, you are issued a Weighted Companion Cube, which you are told to love and cherish.  By the end of the level, you are instructed to incerate your Weighted Companion Cube.  You are presented this gem of dialogue if you hesitate in your inceration:

"While it has been a faithful companion, your companion cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you."

"Although the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, 8 out of 10 Aperture Science engineers believe that the companion cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain."

I feel fantastic and I'm still alive.

When the Portal 2 teaser was released, a familiar disembodied voice greeted us, and it seems GLaDOS is making good on her promises that she is (indeed) still alive.  And she's willing to put our differences behind her, for science.