Civilization V

The Civilization series of games has been around since 1991, and are loosely related to a board game of the same name.  In the game, the player is one of several world leaders at the dawn of history.  With only a settler and an accompanying unit, the player settles their first city and begins to develop their nation.  Because of the intense variability in the games, the Civ series is remember as engaging and often addictive ("just... one... more... turn...").

Civ V is the latest iteration of the series which has seen itself develop in new and interesting ways.  Civ IV in particular introduced the notion of religion as a gameplay mechanic that - while, at times, unrealistic - added depth into gameplay.  The fourth game also introduced culture as a methodology of expanding ones' borders and influencing a neighboring city to join your robust country than another leader's lackluster one.

The full review is after the jump...

Cute Cat Cartoon

Why My Stepfather Should Play Minecraft

Yes.  This post is specifically for you, Stepfather.  I know you're not currently playing Minecraft, and I'm about to attempt to tell you why you should.

An aqueduct.  In Civ V, it retains 40% of food after growth.

Minecraft (minius-craftius) opens with you, alone in a world populated with trees, deserts, oceans, mountains, snow, etc.  You are alone, and have nothing.  You must build yourself a shelter before the night falls and zombies, skeletons, spiders, and (the ever feared) creepers spawn and attempt to eat your succulent man-flesh.

Luckily, nearly everything in the world can be broken down by your fists (trees, sand, soil) or appropriate tools that you craft (stone, coal, iron ore).  So you'll be able to create a modest home with a couple torches before night falls.

Playing Minecraft is a very zen experience (except for when you accidentally stumble upon a nest of zombies).  While the mobs - Minecraft slang for the creatures who spawn at night - are certainly an ever looming threat, the point to playing the game is to build whatever you want.  Would you like to have a cobblestone sky walkway connecting your various homes so that you can traverse the world without having to worry about mobs on the ground?  You need only build it.  Instead, consider an interconnected subway of carts that ride on redstone powered rails.  You are limited to only your imagination.

More after the jump...


The Hog Wart Sexpress

This script was used as part of our Labyrinth of Health and Horrors at work last year, and excellently performed by my favorite employee, Colleen.  The theme for the room is sexual health and the script makes ample use of puns...  enjoy!

Harry Potter and the Hog Wart Sexpress

HERMIONE:      Quickly, quickly!  You must get inside.  There are Sementors all around us!  I just got inside myself.

[The students enter the small alcove with HERMIONE.]

                                Latexo Maximus!  There, that will keep the Sementors away.  Have any of you been exposed?  I have some chocolate and information to help you prevent Unexpecto Pregonum.

                                I can’t believe you are all walking around unprotected!  Lord Vulvawart is currently battling Professor Dumblesore and Professor McGonnoreah, and who knows how long they can keep him at bay!  And he’ll surely be here soon, because he’s after my Goblet of Fire!

                                You have to go, but first I will teach you to protect yourself.  It’s a simple spell, really.  And I can demonstrate using…

                                [HERMIONE reveals a dildo called the SWORD OF GRYFFINDOR.]

                                …the SWORD OF GRYFFINDOR! 

                                You must have in your possession the Latexo spell.  We’ll give you some on your way out, so you’ll be prepared.  The first thing you must do prior to using it is check to make sure the spell is not expired, then open it with your hands.  Do not use your teeth, wand, quill, or owl to open it, or you may damage the spell!

                                Remove the spell from its package and place it atop your head.  Be sure to pinch the tip, since a sudden appearance of potion will need some place to reside.  Next, extend your spell all the way down to the base.

                                Now you will be protected from Sementors, Crabbes and Boils, Could-Itch, Syphillis Black, and Lord Vulvawart himself!

                                When you are finished using the protective spell, remove and dispose of it.  But please do not flush it down the toilet as it upsets Groaning Myrtle. 

And I shouldn’t have to remind you to only use one spell at a time, and use a new spell every time you need protection.

The Latexo spell can be used to protect your risk from all sorts of activities, such as going to the owlery to get Head… Wig.

If you need to review more with me later, leave your question in a box on the way out.  My protective enchantment is wearing off!  Go!  Go, quickly!  And remember to protect yourself!

Harry Potter and the Last Decade of my Life

Last night, with heavy heart and droopy eyelids, I embraced the final cinematic adaptation of Harry Potter.  For many of those who sat in the theatre alongside me, this was the end of a journey.  For some, it was a simple finality to a series they had enjoyed, and for others it was the completion of an epic tale, a side-along Bildungsroman of their own development from child to young adult.

Few films have scrutiny comparable to that of the Harry Potter franchise, which fans will dissect and magnify trivial cuts that were hard-pressed, but important, to be made.  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 may not have lived up to everyone's expectations, but it did fine to live up for mine.  More (spoiler-rific) after the jump.

Minecraft

An example of why Minecraft is so brilliant.  A guy made a PRINTER....

Video Games as Art

In case you didn't know, The Smithsonian is featuring The Art of Video Games next year.  In addition to having played many of the video games who won spots in the exhibition (an Internet poll allowed users to "vote" on which games from certain time periods and genres should be featured), I recently took an Art Appreciation class, and therefor am educated in the appreciation of art!

A list of games and my take on the exhibit - after the jump!

Mortal Kombat (not a review, really)

After watching my husband play the newest Mortal Kombat for a couple hours last night, I was less and less interested in devoting any time or electronic space toward the game, but I thought it might be good practice to not simply use this blog to gush about games I like, and consider games that are abhorrent to the nature of the medium.

I mean, Mortal Kombat - let's start with the K thing.  You have Kombatants that use Kombos and collect Koins to spend in the Krypt in order to buy new Kombat Kodes.  Seriously.  I like that the game is taking an idea and running with it, but it's such a painful molestation of the English language, I'm surprised the whole game isn't banned on poor taste alone (speaking of which, you know you can't ban violent games, but that doesn't mean that games that are violent are any good, nicely summed up here by GamerDad).

So, while frustratingly watching the love of my life attempt to pull off what the game implied were "simple" combos (sorry, Kombos), I was treated to a little taste of what the game had to offer: by inputing several combinations of buttons and tilting the left analog stick, your on-screen avatar performs simple martial feats (a punch here, a kick there), or hereto unknown mystical abilities like shooting lightning out of your fingers.

There are characters (or, maybe they are Kracters...?) such as Johnny Cage, who have - I guess what I can't find a better word for: personalties, which are intended to enhance the button-mashing gameplay somehow, but I'm having trouble caring at all; I am not entirely sure that in the Venn Diagram of gaming that includes "people who like games about beating each other up" and "people who like games with well crafted stories" has a great deal of overlap.

I'm not a huge fan of fighting games to begin with.  Except for the Super Smash Bros. series, they are all rather contrite, and what's more: they are designed to play with other people.  Other people, you say?  Playing video games with them... simultaneously?  No, thank you.

The game boasts some new things (because I suppose just punching each other all the time is boring), one of which is "x-ray moves" which show the bones of your opponent being shattered.  The problem herein is that after you shatter your opponent's kneecaps, he or she gets up and does cartwheels all over the place.  Not a lot of continuity.  There are tag-team battles and so forth, but it's a snooze-fest really.

All in all, I'm not sure it was worth the full-price tag we paid for it, but if it's your thing, I guess it does look nice...

Danger! Steam Sale!

Great, the Steam Sale has been announced, but I don't have my computer!  Damn you, Dell!

EDIT:  Seriously?  I have always wanted this game and now it is only $5, but only for today and my computer isn't working?  FML.

Dell Drama

Strictly speaking, in the world between the glorious elite of gaming and the unfortunate slugs of console gaming (best illustrated here), I am squarely in the latter category.  Instead of a keyboard, I prefer a controller, which with 18 some buttons is confusing enough.  But let it not be said that there are games that I like to play on a PC: Minecraft, Sims 3, Civilization, Plants vs. Zombies, etc. as well as a slew of Flash games that are constantly available on the Internet.

Unfortunately, my computer (to borrow my French roommate's current favorite English idiom) has bitten the dust.  After a year of faithful service, it seems the motherboard has gone kaput. 

In most circumstances this would be a lamentable time, but my husband wisely invested in some sort of protection plan from Dell which promised "next day service."

Our experience with the warranty was not virginal.  This very computer had some sort of keyboard/monitor/I-can't-even-remember-what problem before and the issue was resolved professional and efficiently, making us happy in our decision to go with Dell for our laptop needs.

This experience has been anything but... with over ten phone calls to Dell customer support (which provides quality support like a cat would make a quality surgeon), resulting in confusion not only over when our "next day" service would account for a technician being able to fix the problem, but indeed wether or not a part was actually in stock (dissenting answers from both sides were abundant). 

So, considering all those systems in the house capable of playing video games, I really must give a shout out to Nintendo, whose products have rarely faltered (excepting in those cases wherein blowing the cartridge fixed whatever malady had presented).  Despite its apparent lack of appeal to the "mainsteam" gamer, I've never failed to put in Super Mario Galaxy and have results.

With any luck, I'll be able to explore Minecraft 1.7 (with PISTONS) before long, and hopefully with fewer crashes...