Lightning Strikes Twice: A Second Chance for FFXIII

I was perhaps a little critical in my review of Final Fantasy the Thirteenth (except for the bit about Lightning's hair- which continues to be unnecessarily wrong).  I have recently been replaying the game, and I wanted to give the thing a fair shake of a review.  So here goes.

Brace yourself.  This is going to be intense.

It's still not very good.

Valkyria Chronicles

Cell shaded tank battle.

You might think that Valkyria Chronicles, SEGA's unholy union of Japanese role-playing game meets first person shooter, would be just my cup of tea.  You must think that its cell-shaded animation warms my heart while combining turn-based role-playing games (which I love) with first person shooting (which I would like to love).  Unfortunately, fair reader you'd be wrong.  This game is crap.

Listen, it's not that I don't like the idea of the game.  But I also like the idea of communism.  And being a farmer.  Ideas are fun because I don't have to do them.

Valkyria Chronicles starts with the introduction of a story told through the published works of an author.  A war being retold from the perspective of a small group of ragtag adventurers which sheds new light on the war?  Well yes, Final Fantasy: Tactics, I do like your re-made plot with loose and thin references to World War II.  However interesting World War II is, however, it's no War of the Lions.  Also, the Nazis would have been badasses if they had unobtainium, or whatever this magic mineral source is called.

Once I get to a battle scene, there's actually some fun to be had.  I enjoy the FFT like positioning of characters on the battlefield and the battle system seems well done.  There is one minor problem, however, in that the game seems to forget that it had promised turn-based battle and instead punishes any slacking on your part by having any enemy unit who can see you fire shots at you.

Is it for realism?  I like that.  But then, as soon as you aim to fire, everyone stops.  I guess in anxiety of your coming attach?

But just for the record, I could have gotten over that.  What I could get over was the cut scenes.  There were approximately 5 between battles.  And between each cut scene, we are sent back to the main menu.  It's rather annoying, and has really turned me off.  Avoid this one.

Car 11K - A Second Look at L.A. Noire



Main character, tortured hero dude, Cole Phelps.

 Upon ravishing the Catherine loan from my friend to the point in which I was having dreams about moving cubes around, I decided it was time to give L.A. Noire another run for its money.  I had great things to say about the game, but I wondered if they would hold up under the inflamed scrutiny of a replay; and to add to wanting to give the game a bad review, I decided to do so on a Platinum run.

Though it seems sadistic, my logic was this:

1. If the game was good even if I played it to its extremity, whereby doing everything, then I would feel vindicated in my earlier, positive review.
2. I like trophies, even though I don't understand why sometimes.

Well, looky-looky who has a cookie.  And by cookie, I mean a digital trophy icon representing my completion of the game.

But, did the game live up to its earlier success?  Find out, after the jump...

Donkey Kong Country Returns

You've got to feel bad for Donkey Kong.  The dude was originally cast as a barrel-chunking overlord of a world created of platforms, ladders, and sentient flame.  Later though, DK gained more independence as a go-kart racer, and had his own series of platform games on the SNES called Donkey Kong Country.

Simian miscreant, or domestic violence intervener?

Donkey Kong Country (and its two follow-up iterations) were never bad games, and in fact, represented a good deal of my childhood play-time on the SNES.  The graphics (courtesy of Rare) were crude in today's gameplace, but state of the art when the game was released.

The game focused on DK's loss of his banana stash, because he likes to eat bananas.  So, you know, there was a plot-ish.  Akin to "Save the princess."  In case you were to ask why, the game would glare at you and shout "Because I said so!" and hurtle you into a mini-game.

But games are more sophisticated now, like Donkey Kong Country Returns, which subjects you to some storyline where the volcano on Kong island is inhabited by bad mojo, and the chieftan of bad mojo steals all of your bananas.  Bad mojo chieftans, as we all know, are in constant need of a steady flow of potassium to continue their malicious operations on islands inhabited by Kong on his relatives.

Okay, so the game isn't going to win story of the year, or anything - but we didn't really expect it to.  I craved some 2D, beautifully rendered, platforming!  Donkey Kong Country, the Return of the Jedi was sure to please.  Nintendo practically wrote the book on what a 2D platformer needs to be successful.  But wait, what's this - to kill enemies, I must ... waggle?

Like a hooker clinging to the testicles of a customer who refused to pay for services rendered, Nintendo wants to force every single one of its game experiences to use the motion controls that made the Wii so famous.  Nevermind that when using the nunchuck accessory that I have like 12 buttons, only the joystick, A, and B buttons are used for moving, jumping, and grabbing respectively.  If you want to do your super-neat DK roll, you have to waggle the damn Wii-mote while pushing forward.  Didn't push forward correctly?  You'll ground-pound, or ... blow air?

If you have friends, you can play the game with them.
Then you won't have to worry about having friends anymore!

There are things to collect, which is kind of a fun part of Donkey Kong Country games, but the game play was severely wounded by the inclusion of needed waggling.  The platforming was a huge step back, as well, in my humble opinion.  There was very little strategy involved, and it just wasn't very fun to play.

Okay, it does look good.  I mean, this is exactly what I wanted in looks.  You know, Super Mario Galaxy 3, pretty much.

If you were looking for a game on the Wii that you could play as Donkey Kong for, you may as well just dust off Super Smash Bros. Brawl, which offers way more DK technique and a myriad of better control options.  Or, wait for the next go-kart, party, or olympic sporting game that Nintendo's over-used, tie-wearing mascot could be crammed into next.

Catherine: Again

Despite my post last week about not getting into Catherine, I found playing it again, out of some weird want for it to better.  What's the deal?  It's like a drug...

Catherine

I really want to like Catherine, Atlus' bizarre puzzle-platformer/horror/romance-sim game that was released stateside back in midsummer.  After an unimpressive demo back in July, I've recently given the full-game a shot, having borrowed it from my friend.  However, despite my interest in its bizarre gameplay, I simply cannot embrace the game.

Could it be its more-difficult-than-they-need-to-be Q-bert style block puzzles?

Could it be the hamby-pamby story of Vincent, the protagonist stuck between his overbearing girlfriend, Katherine, and his multiple-night-stand-may-not-be-a-real-person-since-she-doesn't-interact-with-any-other-characters Catherine?

Could it be the stumbly dialogue options via text message that you exchange with Catherine or Katherine?

Or is it simply the lack of gender role nuances that forces the thought that Vincent is afraid of commitment, like all men must be, and that the "right" path is to get over it and settle with your domineering (and possibly pregnant) girlfriend?

Whichever of these is the real culprit, I'll not be able to say.  Not simply because blaming just one seems too limiting, but because I can't bring myself to play the game again.

Fallout: New Vegas DLC - Dead Money

Old World Blues certainly gave me a run for my money this past week, but today I was able to sit down and plug away at Fallout: New Vegas' first expansion pack Dead Money.  Was it as good as OWB?  Check out the review, after the jump!

Demo: Catherine

I - I don't actually know what it was I just played.  Strictly speaking, it was a puzzle game wherein your character scales a tower of blocks to reach the exit, creating paths by pushing and pulling said blocks.

The confusing part was the apologetically Japanese anime cut scenes, wherein your main character Vincent freaks out about his girlfriend hinting at marriage, and then his dream states where he climbs the block towers - dressed only in his undies and some weird sheep horns.  The sheep thing is pretty prevalent, and there's an underlying murder mystery thing that might be related to having woken up next to a perky blond - the titular Catherine.  It's due out in the next couple days, so grab the demo if you want a feel for what the game was like...

Demo: Limbo

This tree thing killed me a couple times.  My roommate laughed.

Got a hold and gave a whirl for the demo of Limbo, monochromatic platform-puzzle game that has received a lot of awards.  Can't say much about it, the demo was pretty short (10 minutes of gameplay).  It looked very artsy, but not in the fun, bubbly way that Braid did.

So - not much to say, other than I'm speculative about giving $15 towards it.  If I was still a Playstation Plus subscriber, the number goes down a couple digits.

But - you know - meh.  That's how I'm feeling...